Questions

Every day, every minute, every second that I breathe I know it’s because of God’s grace. I know that I was created by him and for him. Without him I would be nothing, and yet there are still days where I think that I can do it on my own, there are days where I try to avoid the voice in my head that tells me to obey him. Why is it so easy to believe things I read in a magazine? To believe things I watch on T.V and to believe people like parents, teachers and presidents? I know he is the creator of everything and everyone and yet I doubt him sometimes.

People in life, people that believe in him always have an answer for things, answers such as “God is in control. God has a plan. God is going to use you. God is the only one who knows why. Trust in him.” Why is it so hard to trust in him but so easy to trust what the news say? Why is it so hard to leave it all in his hands and to trust that he does have a plan and that he knows me better than anyone else but yet so easy to let a boyfriend or friend in your life and trust in them completely?

Haven’t we learned with many different situations that people always let us down? Whether is a parent, a friend, a boyfriend and in some cases even a spouse.

There are so many questions that always cross my mind, I feel like my brain never sleeps. I am in a constant argument with myself and my thoughts.

I have made a choice to follow God, I not only follow him but I love him with all my heart. He is my dad and I know that his love for me is unfailing and everlasting. There are days, even months where I avoid him because my brain is so tired of trying to figure things out. There are days where I know that I need him and yet I try to be strong enough on my own. I guess this would be where I accept I am prideful and wrong.

To this day I know that God will never let me down. Yes there are days where I feel like he has let me down and then I realize that he’s actually always had my back and he has held my hand through everything. My own choices are what let me down, not him.

I’m not sure what my life will look like in a year or for that matter what it will look like tomorrow. All I’m sure of is that I was created for him and by him. My future is in his hands and no matter what happens he is holding my hand and leading me through everything.

Maybe one day I will get to ask him all the questions I have, but meanwhile my brain and I will keep arguing and believing that he is the best thing there is about my life. No matter how hard I try, I cannot do anything on my own. No matter how much I try to convince myself, without him there is no meaning to this world. Without him there is no meaning to me.ning to me.