So I got done reading CRAZY LOVE, amazing book!
I fell in love with not just the book but how it made me feel.
I felt encouraged and very challenged.
Every page, every word I read i felt like it was meant for me. Of course I am sure everyone feels that way. But i really felt like he was really getting into my head and heart. Like not just Francis Chan but God was really revealing everything I was feeling....all the questions I have and all the fears I let overcome me sometimes.
At times I would put the book down and really just thinnk about my life. Think about what i've really done.
When i talk to people, even my parents sometimes...we are sooooo caught up in this world it's CRAZY! we get up, eat, shower, go to work, go home eat and go to sleep. of course not everyone has the same exact schedule but somewhat similar. We have this routine we follow and we get so used to it. And then....I read the book! i've always known I am not made for this world. I've always known that im not ok with just living life like a normal ordinary human being.
there is this weird thing inside of me that just burns and sometimes...to be honest i just dont do anything about it!
I know in the last few years ive tried to do something different in my life.... but it's really not about just trying or maybe SOMETIMES doing something differenet. Is about REALLY living according to what jesus says.....and this takes me back to LOVE! it's sooo crazy, but even in the bible God says (not in this exact words but i understand myself) if i give my life for God, if i do everything in this world but i do not love.....it is ALL worthless!!!...... i have no words after this! its crazy! i mean God is pretty clear about loving HIM and loving others! and there is so much need and so much pain that God gives us his heart....and what do we do? most of the times we ignore it and let the material things of this world have control over us!
Anyways.... like Francis Chan said at the end of the book, the book was not meant to just make us feel bad or encourage us but to actually make us think of how we need to live our lives.
And slowly which really shouldnt be slowly i am getting more and more confirmation from God that i am on the right path. No matter what people tell me, no matter how crazy i might sound.... i want to serve him and others, i want to love, but real love I want to be able to face God one day and ask him if as a dad he is proud of me! ask him if i fulfilled what he had for me and ask him if i put at least once...a smile on his face :)
it's not about makin myself feel good for helping others, it's not about what people can say.... it's about caring for those who need love.
omg this makes me think of the day at church, prob 2 sundays ago when our pastor asked if anyone wanted to share anything with the congregation, a few people shared how God is doing miracles in their lives and other things...then he said would any kid want to share anything.....and this lil boy, prob 8 years old, got up there, he couldnt speak very clearly and said that Jesus had healed him, he had needed this major operation and God was there.... he said that while in the hospital, his brother told him he loved him and so did God.... of course this made me cry like a BABY! the lil boy was part of childrens ministry here in colombia, he doesnt have much but he knows what God's love is and it broke my heart. And that Sunday, i knew that God was showing me a lil piece of his heart, he was showing me how he feels when we recognize his love and he showed me that i need to help those lil kids, i need to share my daddy's love with them! I cannot be selfish, God has enough love for all of us :)
And so... I have a long journey ahead.....im 21 but im already too old to not be doing something. I feel horrible for letting other things take my time, of course there is a balance but i need God's help. I have no idea what to do, but like i've heard before, if it's Gods will he will take me through it and I believe it. Somehow, somewhere i will do what he has created me to do. :)
