A day to Myself

So today, im home early and spending some time alone. somethign i dont do very often but something that is necessary every once in a while.
Im sitting here letting my mind wounder off.....usually this happens quite often until i start going crazy with all this thinking or then i hit the pillow and fall asleep.

I usually think lots about the future, lots about what im going to do, how im going to do it and where im going to be. Its not bad until i think about it too much and start to worry.
i have sooo many questions and things i would love to know.

but i need to pause, and really live the moment. im sure that the future will be great, im certain that God has amazing plans, and i do want to know them but i need to focus on right now. on what im doing for him at this moment.

ug things are always so much easier said then done. i want to know so much, i want to get ahead of myself.

There are so many things to be done here, i´ve been busy with work, but there are still so many hours left of a day to be able to help out in other things. i know ive been lazy but i really want to do as much as i can, after all we do live only once, on this earth at least. and i want to make it the best, i want to take advantage of every second of my life, i want to be able to say i did everything i could and that was in my hands. I want to be able to be part of others peoples lives and be a positive influence somehow.

When people say, "leave it all in Gods hands" its true! but i mean true, i need to leave it in his hands, all of it, my future my worries my everything and i know he will help me. things wont go away, its not magic, he will help me with everything and i do truly believe it from the bottom of my heart! he is that awesome.


So anyways as im sitting here im trying to think of the things that really matter to me in this life... and thinking about what im doing about them. askign God to show me exactly where he wants me right now. so this is what im doing....putting priorities in order :)

at the end...who is right?

So lately there has been a lot of things going on, things that seem so unfair to me. things that my mind in uncapable of understanding at moments. today, while writing a letter and by a comment or more like a question of What would Jesus do? i really quickly remembered that when Jesus was attacked with words, misunderstood or judged he did not stay quiet like some people think. I really believe that some people think jesus was just a dumb person that stayed quiet so he wouldnt sin. but NO he did not, he in fact always spoke his mind, of course in a very smart and loving way, but he made sure the truth came out. He always knew how to respond in a very wise way. Man there is so much to learn about God and the bible and Jesus and sometimes its overwhelming but challenging at the same time. when we are judge or hurt in some way, our first reaction as humans is to defend ourselves in any way we can. without really measuring the way we respond and without really checking out hearts first. so today as i wrote a letter to some people, i guess i was reminded that its not about defending something we think is our right, its about really believing in my heart the truth. its about thinking things over and asking God what he thinks. i can careless what people say or think, all i should be really worried about is what God things and how he sees my heart. Mistakes sometimes are so hard to get up from, and more if they involve family, which is sad cause family are suppose to be there for us(im not talking about imediate family). And at this point there are so many things going "not right" in my life but i do believe Jesus will help. after all he always really does the impossible.

What i dont really understand is that we as christians all know God but sometimes we all see God only the way we want to or the way that seems right to us. we all use him in our conversations depending our point of view on things. instead of all just really going to him. we use him as a tool to speak to people about things sometimes even to make people feel bad. we use God nowdays as a weapon to even hurt others.....this is something i dont get. if we really know God why not do things his way? in a loving way? so really the big question is am i doing things the way i want them to be? and do i use God in the way i want to, or in the way he really intended things to be? do i only go to him or speak about him when i want to sound better? or do i really ask him to check my heart, attitude and accept anything that he says? its hard to just sit there and let him point out our mistakes and accept them and really make an effort to change. but he is so great he always gives us the strenght to do it.

Starting to Realize what i was created for.

So i dont have this quite figured out yet. There are different points in life where i might´ve thought i had it all figured out, until this week, i was at a connection group on friday when the leader asked different people what they´re purpose was. what our purpose is? not like THE purpose that God has for each of us,which is different for everyone, but the main purpose for us being created. so this really got me thinking.

I know we were all created to love and adore God, which is most of the time everyone´s answer. but theres more to it, or i´d like to believe so. My mind really goes crazy sometimes with so much thinking and trying to understand and i just really try to see things the way he wants us to.
I believe God created us, yes to LOVE him with everything we have, but also to love others . To take care of the poor. When i read the bible the parts about love and compassion always stand out to me. And i believe its because Jesus was a loving person at all times. he loved EVERYONE no matter what they had done, or what they had not done. he just loved. And he came to be an example to us, of course in many ways, but LOVE is such a HUGE thing. Of course our priority is to love him above all else, but its so much harder to love others the way we love ourselves. But Jesus was a human, like me, and he was able to just love, without judging...ever. And he did take care of the sick,the poor and the lost. And when he left, he left us the responsibilty of keep doing what he started.

So its really not that hard to understand our purpose, our purpose is to be like him in all the ways, to follow his example, to live a godly life, yes adoring him and praising him, but also obeying him.

All this thinking takes me back to knowing that there is SOOOOOOOOOOO much to learn every single day. i will never have things figured out cause theres always something new to think about or something new to learn.

O how i love Jesus, he really does make me feel warm inside. so much love from him. I really think God speaks to me through love :)

(i like this blog thing cause it helps me to get my thoughts out and i can always go back and read them)