Crazy Love.

So I got done reading CRAZY LOVE, amazing book!

I fell in love with not just the book but how it made me feel.

I felt encouraged and very challenged.

Every page, every word I read i felt like it was meant for me. Of course I am sure everyone feels that way. But i really felt like he was really getting into my head and heart. Like not just Francis Chan but God was really revealing everything I was feeling....all the questions I have and all the fears I let overcome me sometimes.

At times I would put the book down and really just thinnk about my life. Think about what i've really done.

When i talk to people, even my parents sometimes...we are sooooo caught up in this world it's CRAZY! we get up, eat, shower, go to work, go home eat and go to sleep. of course not everyone has the same exact schedule but somewhat similar. We have this routine we follow and we get so used to it. And then....I read the book! i've always known I am not made for this world. I've always known that im not ok with just living life like a normal ordinary human being.

there is this weird thing inside of me that just burns and sometimes...to be honest i just dont do anything about it!

I know in the last few years ive tried to do something different in my life.... but it's really not about just trying or maybe SOMETIMES doing something differenet. Is about REALLY living according to what jesus says.....and this takes me back to LOVE! it's sooo crazy, but even in the bible God says (not in this exact words but i understand myself) if i give my life for God, if i do everything in this world but i do not love.....it is ALL worthless!!!...... i have no words after this! its crazy! i mean God is pretty clear about loving HIM and loving others! and there is so much need and so much pain that God gives us his heart....and what do we do? most of the times we ignore it and let the material things of this world have control over us!

Anyways.... like Francis Chan said at the end of the book, the book was not meant to just make us feel bad or encourage us but to actually make us think of how we need to live our lives.

And slowly which really shouldnt be slowly i am getting more and more confirmation from God that i am on the right path. No matter what people tell me, no matter how crazy i might sound.... i want to serve him and others, i want to love, but real love I want to be able to face God one day and ask him if as a dad he is proud of me! ask him if i fulfilled what he had for me and ask him if i put at least once...a smile on his face :)

it's not about makin myself feel good for helping others, it's not about what people can say.... it's about caring for those who need love.

omg this makes me think of the day at church, prob 2 sundays ago when our pastor asked if anyone wanted to share anything with the congregation, a few people shared how God is doing miracles in their lives and other things...then he said would any kid want to share anything.....and this lil boy, prob 8 years old, got up there, he couldnt speak very clearly and said that Jesus had healed him, he had needed this major operation and God was there.... he said that while in the hospital, his brother told him he loved him and so did God.... of course this made me cry like a BABY! the lil boy was part of childrens ministry here in colombia, he doesnt have much but he knows what God's love is and it broke my heart. And that Sunday, i knew that God was showing me a lil piece of his heart, he was showing me how he feels when we recognize his love and he showed me that i need to help those lil kids, i need to share my daddy's love with them! I cannot be selfish, God has enough love for all of us :)

And so... I have a long journey ahead.....im 21 but im already too old to not be doing something. I feel horrible for letting other things take my time, of course there is a balance but i need God's help. I have no idea what to do, but like i've heard before, if it's Gods will he will take me through it and I believe it. Somehow, somewhere i will do what he has created me to do. :)

Dating...

So Yesterday i was talking to one of my amazing friends....i was telling her that I finally got a ring.

well the story really goes back to Australia, during my DTS experience, when I was going through emotional stuff with jesus i mentioned to a friend that i wanted to get a ring for me and God. Most people use it for a promise ring but i wanted it not only for one promise but for many things!

So about a month ago i was buying earings and other stuff and then stopped and remembered that i always told God i would get a ring, so i put down the other stuff and found a ring :)

when i bought i put it on and told God it was for me and him.

Yesterday when i was talking to Jenn i told her i married God.

well it got me thinking...again! and right now im actually in the daiting part with God. Dont get me wrong i do want to marry God but i feel like this months have been so amazing beause my heart has been sooo open to God and ive met him in such amazing ways that im loving it cause i feel like I am dating him. Im in that stage where it's soooo cool to talk about anything and everything with God. im telling him my dreams my hopes im learning what he likes and what he doesnt like.

I guess ive always know what he likes and doesnt like, but this time is different im learning sooo much from him its sooooo cool :) i feel like a crazy person most of the times, i feel like im talking to him every minute, but i love it.

I know this blog its prob really weird but hey i like to explain things like this cause my ring now, it's a promise to God tht he comes in my life before anything or anyone else.

He is the center of my life and like in a marriage a ring represents commitment, i am committed to God.

One day i will marry my prince :) and one day i will have a different ring on my finger... but the day that happens it will be because God chose that person for me and brought us together, the day another ring replaces this one it wont mean that the guy will replace God it will only mean that now both of us will also be devoted to God.

This ring its a symbol like many things, but my true commitment will always be in my heart :)

I was, I am created for something more...

Life seems to be going by faster and faster, either because it really does go by faster or im just growing up and i have more stuff to do and less time in my schedule.

It has been about almost 6 months since i've been back in Colombia, and all kinds of things have happened, lots of ups and dows, but nothing to regreat. So many things I've been able to learn and so many things im greatful for.

This past 2 weeks i was able to take a break, a vacation to go see my sister in Florida. Everything worked out perfect to be able to go to the hillsong conference, which was amazing, and also see all my friends and some family.

I finally got to apply to hillsong college which is amazing, a miracle and im finally being able to see where my life is going.

While i was in florida i had a lot of thinking time, a lot of events got to me and made me start thinking about life, thinking about everything.

So i've been working for 5 months here in Colombia, i have a great job, and great friends, cant complain. But every day is the same schedule, the same thing over and over again, i started to wonder, what am I really doing to bring a smile on God's face? yes im being a good girl, im even praying lots for others.

The last two weeks are marked in my heart forever now, i feel like it was a huge wake up call from daddy in heaven, he reminded me of soooo many things that i was starting to forget. He created me, all of us, for something more, not to just live for ourselves.

I've finally had the chance of having non christian friends, good relationships, and i've been able to see everything from a different point of view. The friends i have now are probably a huge blessing to ME! I have been able to experice so many different things through them. It's def been a new challange but i love it.

I've become a huge lover of books.... i know shocking for me, all this books, people and thoughts have taken over my head.

and all i know is that God is calling me inside, he is reminding me that im created to do whatever he says. im created because he wants me to serve him, and truly that is what makes me happy. When i sit at work, go out with people i have a good time, but when i get a chance to help someone out, even if it's giving a bread out, my heart feals something diffrerent, it's a joy that sometimes is very hard to explain, but it's the kind of joy that keeps me going every day.

Most people live to go to school, graduate, get married, perhaps have kids and eventually grandkids. But then once you have it all what's next?

i keep reminding my self everyday that i do not want a normal life, i do wants all the things that normal girls want, i am a romantic, but i know that i will not have true happiness unless i make my goal be about seeing others also be happy.

Most of the times i dont understand myself, but it's again back to LOVE. and what it all really means.

While i was in indonesia with the kids in the slums, something that touched me and ripped me apart was seeing how some of them could die from a simple cut.

Even though i believe in the power of prayer i believe we are called to do more!!!!

it drives me craazy to just sit here.

I know i need to be responsible, keep working, but while i get to go and do more i can do stuff on the side, there are people in my own city, prob my own neighborhood that need help somehow.

Most times we all think oh i can do missions and yes we all can and they think , well we think it can only be done when we get on a plane and go somewhere far. but nooooo the truth is that right here there are people that also need help, anywhere we go there is something to do, some one to help and sometimes...even a smile helps :)

anyways, while i hear back from hillsong, while i work i know i can help out and im going to make it part of my life, cause i believe i was created for something else.

My big, powerful, almighty, awesome God!

So since I've been back in Colombia i have been woundering what im doing here.

During DTS, more while in indonesia i felt like God spoke about my future being hillsong, not sure of when but somewhere down the road. Of course i wanted it to be faster then what it has been...also during lecture phase God clearly spoke about Colombia waiting and other things coming before me living here again.

But then things changed, and very fast.

I kept asking God questions and trying to figure things out, and in way im still asking a lot of questions.

Then about a week ago, i started a journal again, and its sooo surprising how spending time with God really changes everything. I mean i really shouldnt be surprised anymore when God does amazing things, after all he always does them and never fails us.

But while i was writing, God started showing me step by step what he has done in my life.

Yes this past months have been hard, have been different and have been something i never imagined doing.

Ive been living pretty much on my own, away from my family but very close at the same time, ive had to work my butt off . Ive pretty much had to really grow up this time.

In all my traveling before, all the different things i never lived this. Yes ive been on my own but usually under an organization, a family or even under my own parents. This time it has been me and just me, having to make my own decisions, having to learn a lot.

So God was showing me that he has brought me here to teach me, to guide me and to help me find myself and find out who i really im. He has shown me that yes i can be responsible, he has shown me that things can get hard but that if i stay close to him and really hold on to his word anything is possible.

So all this time has been about my relationship with him getting stronger, about me growing up and me finding out who i am when im alone.

God is sooo great that not only does he take care of me, teaches me, guides me, but also has a way of showing me what he is doing. God is an amazing dad that takes care of ALL the details.

and yes....there are days i still feel tired and very confused. Days where i have no idea what to do, but i know that he does have a purpose for everything.

And he even remembered that i wanted to spend time with my family and here i am confused because he brought me back to do just what i wanted to do. I love Colombia and he has even given me the chance to enjoy it in the way i love to. Im just falling more and more in love with my God.

A day to Myself

So today, im home early and spending some time alone. somethign i dont do very often but something that is necessary every once in a while.
Im sitting here letting my mind wounder off.....usually this happens quite often until i start going crazy with all this thinking or then i hit the pillow and fall asleep.

I usually think lots about the future, lots about what im going to do, how im going to do it and where im going to be. Its not bad until i think about it too much and start to worry.
i have sooo many questions and things i would love to know.

but i need to pause, and really live the moment. im sure that the future will be great, im certain that God has amazing plans, and i do want to know them but i need to focus on right now. on what im doing for him at this moment.

ug things are always so much easier said then done. i want to know so much, i want to get ahead of myself.

There are so many things to be done here, i´ve been busy with work, but there are still so many hours left of a day to be able to help out in other things. i know ive been lazy but i really want to do as much as i can, after all we do live only once, on this earth at least. and i want to make it the best, i want to take advantage of every second of my life, i want to be able to say i did everything i could and that was in my hands. I want to be able to be part of others peoples lives and be a positive influence somehow.

When people say, "leave it all in Gods hands" its true! but i mean true, i need to leave it in his hands, all of it, my future my worries my everything and i know he will help me. things wont go away, its not magic, he will help me with everything and i do truly believe it from the bottom of my heart! he is that awesome.


So anyways as im sitting here im trying to think of the things that really matter to me in this life... and thinking about what im doing about them. askign God to show me exactly where he wants me right now. so this is what im doing....putting priorities in order :)

at the end...who is right?

So lately there has been a lot of things going on, things that seem so unfair to me. things that my mind in uncapable of understanding at moments. today, while writing a letter and by a comment or more like a question of What would Jesus do? i really quickly remembered that when Jesus was attacked with words, misunderstood or judged he did not stay quiet like some people think. I really believe that some people think jesus was just a dumb person that stayed quiet so he wouldnt sin. but NO he did not, he in fact always spoke his mind, of course in a very smart and loving way, but he made sure the truth came out. He always knew how to respond in a very wise way. Man there is so much to learn about God and the bible and Jesus and sometimes its overwhelming but challenging at the same time. when we are judge or hurt in some way, our first reaction as humans is to defend ourselves in any way we can. without really measuring the way we respond and without really checking out hearts first. so today as i wrote a letter to some people, i guess i was reminded that its not about defending something we think is our right, its about really believing in my heart the truth. its about thinking things over and asking God what he thinks. i can careless what people say or think, all i should be really worried about is what God things and how he sees my heart. Mistakes sometimes are so hard to get up from, and more if they involve family, which is sad cause family are suppose to be there for us(im not talking about imediate family). And at this point there are so many things going "not right" in my life but i do believe Jesus will help. after all he always really does the impossible.

What i dont really understand is that we as christians all know God but sometimes we all see God only the way we want to or the way that seems right to us. we all use him in our conversations depending our point of view on things. instead of all just really going to him. we use him as a tool to speak to people about things sometimes even to make people feel bad. we use God nowdays as a weapon to even hurt others.....this is something i dont get. if we really know God why not do things his way? in a loving way? so really the big question is am i doing things the way i want them to be? and do i use God in the way i want to, or in the way he really intended things to be? do i only go to him or speak about him when i want to sound better? or do i really ask him to check my heart, attitude and accept anything that he says? its hard to just sit there and let him point out our mistakes and accept them and really make an effort to change. but he is so great he always gives us the strenght to do it.

Starting to Realize what i was created for.

So i dont have this quite figured out yet. There are different points in life where i might´ve thought i had it all figured out, until this week, i was at a connection group on friday when the leader asked different people what they´re purpose was. what our purpose is? not like THE purpose that God has for each of us,which is different for everyone, but the main purpose for us being created. so this really got me thinking.

I know we were all created to love and adore God, which is most of the time everyone´s answer. but theres more to it, or i´d like to believe so. My mind really goes crazy sometimes with so much thinking and trying to understand and i just really try to see things the way he wants us to.
I believe God created us, yes to LOVE him with everything we have, but also to love others . To take care of the poor. When i read the bible the parts about love and compassion always stand out to me. And i believe its because Jesus was a loving person at all times. he loved EVERYONE no matter what they had done, or what they had not done. he just loved. And he came to be an example to us, of course in many ways, but LOVE is such a HUGE thing. Of course our priority is to love him above all else, but its so much harder to love others the way we love ourselves. But Jesus was a human, like me, and he was able to just love, without judging...ever. And he did take care of the sick,the poor and the lost. And when he left, he left us the responsibilty of keep doing what he started.

So its really not that hard to understand our purpose, our purpose is to be like him in all the ways, to follow his example, to live a godly life, yes adoring him and praising him, but also obeying him.

All this thinking takes me back to knowing that there is SOOOOOOOOOOO much to learn every single day. i will never have things figured out cause theres always something new to think about or something new to learn.

O how i love Jesus, he really does make me feel warm inside. so much love from him. I really think God speaks to me through love :)

(i like this blog thing cause it helps me to get my thoughts out and i can always go back and read them)